


I'm not dead yet

by Rouhn



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Death, F/M, Illness, Travel, Tumor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 16:30:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16601540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rouhn/pseuds/Rouhn
Summary: Killian Jones is a dying man, he is diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and so he wants to travel around the world to visit places he always wanted to see before his death. He places a newspaper ad to find a travel partner. David Nolan responses, but it’s not him who shows up a few days before the adventure starts - it’s his sister Emma.





	I'm not dead yet

**Author's Note:**

> This story is dedicated to Nat who fought until the end and whose last days were the best he could have wished for and was originally written for the FALL FOR CS event on TUMBLR.
> 
> A big thank you to @space-whales . You are a wonderful and honest beta reader and friend who always help me improve my writing skills. Working with you was a pleasure because you make my stories better without changing my style.  
> I also want to thank my artist, @branlovesouat, for creating this lovely image set which doesn’t give away too much and at the same time shows the beauty of the story behind the sad aspect. (visit her on TUMBLR!)

David Nolan sat on the breakfast table across his girlfriend Mary Margaret, eating his butter croissant and reading his part of the newspaper, when he stumbled over an interesting ad. He read it three times before he folded the newspaper and looked at his girlfriend. “Take a look at this, honey, isn’t this the perfect opportunity?” 

 

Mary Margaret took the newspaper and studied the ad he pointed at. When she put down the paper again, a big smile appeared on her face. “Yes, perfect. You have to answer him.”

 

_ Heterosexual male, 33, looking for a travel partner (preferably male) for a three month journey through several countries to finish a list before my time on Earth ends. Diagnosis: inoperable brain tumor—doctors gave me no more than three months—I want to make the most out of them—all costs will be covered. _

_ You have to be adventurous, not afraid of heights, depths, used to living without modern amenities (showers, flush toilets, etc.), okay with sharing a tent or room, and interested in discovering new places. _

_ Criminal background checks, health certificate, and passport needed. Ability to speak English is a must.  _

_ No pity calls, please—non-smoking, single person preferred. _

 

_ Interested? Reply to Box Number KJ318 _

 

* * *

* * *

“David, finally we meet in- You are not David Nolan, who are you?” Killian Jones stood on his doorstep, the doorknob still in his hand, surprised not to find his new partner for his three-month trip in front of the door, but instead a gorgeous blonde woman. 

 

“Hi, I’m Emma - Emma Swan, David’s sister.” The woman smiled at him apologetically and in this moment Killian knew what was going on.

 

“He won’t come, will he?”

 

Emma shook her head. Killian sighed, turned around and walked towards his kitchen. 

 

“Uhm,” feeling a bit lost, Emma raised her arm in question but in the end followed him slowly. She closed the door and took in her new environment. The apartment was beautiful, the blue and light grey painted walls a stark contrast to the dark furniture and decoration. 

 

“Can I offer you a drink, Swan?” Killian’s voice cut through her admiration and Emma found herself standing next to a small bar. 

 

“Sure,” she took two steps towards the huge window, “your apartment is beautiful.”

 

“Thanks, love.” Killian appeared next to her, two drinks in his hand, “it will be available in about three months. Interested?” His casual question made Emma frown for a moment. She didn’t think a simple compliment of his apartment could cause such an answer.

 

“Uhm, I’m sorry, I didn’t-” she turned a bit and saw that Killian didn’t seem to be offended by her question.

 

“Don’t, Swan, I assume your brother told you about my situation?” Emma nodded and Killian went on. “So he decided to stay here with Mary Clarence?”

 

“Mary Margaret. She is not a cross-eyed lion.” Emma snapped but regretted her behaviour when she saw his look. He had every right to be mad at Mary or David but still, Emma didn’t like his attitude.

 

“Apologies. So David decided not to go on the journey with me, rather stay with his girlfriend.” Killian tried again but Emma corrected him once again.

 

“Fiancé.”

 

Killian’s jaw dropped but he pulled himself together quickly. “When did that happen?” 

 

“A few days ago. Look, I am not here to tell you why my brother isn’t here, I am here to offer you my company.”

 

“You want to join me on my last journey?” Killian looked Emma up and down and suppressed a smile.

 

“Yeah, buddy, do you have a problem with it? Maybe with me being a woman or me being blonde or I don’t know?” Emma started to get angry, but Killian ignored her outburst.

 

“Well, I have to say, a woman as my travel partner is not my first choice, but that is not the reason I am surprised that you want to join me. It’s more-- that I am irritated why a successful woman wants to go on a three-month trip, more or less completely cut off from her life here, that’s all.”

 

“And why do you think I am successful?” Emma placed her free hand on her hip, the other one still held her untouched drink.

 

“Dave told me. He told me a lot about himself, his successful, feisty sister and also his girlfr- I mean fiancé. He only neglected to tell me he won’t come with me.” Killian turned towards the window and sipped at his drink.

 

Emma watched him for a few moments. He didn’t seem sick, he seemed healthy, strong, handsome, tall, dark-haired, and Emma could see, fit--as if he worked out as well. The only thing she disliked was his cocky behaviour but maybe this was his protective shield - his wall. She could understand why he didn’t want to let people in and why he held them at distance. She did that too, however for other reasons than being deathly ill. “I am sorry, Killian. Can we start over?”

 

“Well, we haven’t really started anything yet, so I assume we can do that.” He sent her an honest smile and raised his glass. Emma did the same and sipped at the golden liquid. When the rum started to burn down the back of her throat she closed her eyes briefly.

 

“Too strong?” The amusement in Killian’s voice made Emma open her eyes again. 

 

“No, I merely enjoyed the taste. I think I’ve never had such an expensive rum before. It’s exquisite.” Emma smiled at him and Killian returned the gesture before he walked towards the bar again.

 

“Interesting choice of words, love. It’s called ‘Facundo Exquisito’. Take another  swig and tell me what you taste beside the rum itself.” 

 

Emma stared into the amber liquid before she sipped at it again. “I would say there is something sweet like sugar or no, toffee.” Emma’s eyes lit up and Killian only nodded. 

 

“Well done. Anything else you can taste?” 

 

“Call me crazy, but I could swear I taste a bit of Cinnamon and Vanilla too.” Emma swayed her glass before she sipped at it again. Totally lost in the rich and sweet taste, she added with a dreamy gaze. “It’s gliding down my throat like velvet.”

 

“And you are sure you are no connoisseur of expensive rum?” Killian downed his rum and refilled his glass, sending her an approving look which made her blush.

 

_ Maybe this could work _ . At this moment Killian decided to give Emma a chance. He had three days left until the journey started--just enough time to get to know her. 

 

They sat down and started talking about his plans and about Emma’s conceptions and, after about two hours, they decided to meet again the next day. Killian had a good feeling, as much as he was disappointed by David’s decision, he was grateful that he sent his sister instead.

 

Emma was indeed a feisty woman, she knew what she wanted and she also knew what it meant to be on such an expedition. It wouldn’t be a weekend trip or a couple’s vacation. Killian had a plan, a concept and a tight timetable. He had three months left to visit the places he always wanted to go to. His time on Earth was limited and so he wanted to make the most out of it.

 

\- CS -

 

The following day they met again and Killian went through every detail of the journey. He liked that Emma asked the right questions like ‘how they got from A to B’ or’ if they were alone or with guides’. He appreciated that she didn’t ask him many personal questions. He wasn’t ready to open up yet, maybe he would not tell her anything at all, but he hoped that he could share his story with her during their journey.

 

The morning of their last day in Boston, Killian woke with a headache. He hated headaches, they were never a good sign. Headaches could mean that the tumour has grown and his time would be up quicker than expected. He took a painkiller and continued packing. He already knew what to bring, it wasn’t the first time he went on such a journey, but it would be the last. 

 

Emma would be here in a few hours, he had insisted on her coming and staying for the night so they could start their expedition at 4:30 am. He didn’t want to risk any delays and he didn’t know her well enough to trust her word.

 

When she appeared two hours later with a huge backpack and two boxes of pizza he let her in with a huge smile. He also had ordered in, but her gesture meant a lot to him. He was surprised that he didn’t have to repack her backpack and that she also had a list of items she carried with her. He never thought she was such a neat freak. 

 

It was 8:45 pm when Emma decided to call it a night. Killian showed her the bathroom, she deserved one last hot shower. He couldn’t tell her when she will be able to have one again. Emma enjoyed the hot water running over her naked form. Killian didn’t know that she still felt like hot showers were luxury. He hadn’t asked her why she had a different last name than David and she was quite sure David hadn’t told him either. They only were adoptive siblings. Emma had spent her childhood in the foster care system. Living in group homes was an adventure in itself. She was used to eating only small portions or only every other day and showering was something she only was allowed to do once a week and then only with cold water. But Emma got used to it and never complained.

 

Twenty minutes later, Emma walked to the guestroom Killian had shown her earlier. The room was bigger than Emma’s first apartment had been. The king size bed was the biggest she has ever slept in and also the most comfortable. However, the most impressive thing in the room was not the bed or the huge window or expensive carpet on the floor, it was the wall behind the bed. There was a huge world map painted on the wall, several places were marked with big red dots and arrows pointed towards these dots. 

 

Emma kneeled on her bed and studied the wall, she didn’t hear the knock on her door nor Killian entering the room. “Soon this map will be completed.” Emma jumped and turned around. 

 

“Are you trying to kill me?” 

 

“Apologies, love, I didn’t realise you didn’t hear me entering the room.”

 

Emma shook her head and turned her attention towards the map again. “Killian, this is impressive. Have you visited all of these places already?”

 

“Each one with a picture next to it. The rest I will visit with you within the next months.” He smiled at her but Emma still studied the wall.

 

“Who are the man and the woman on the pictures next to you?”

 

The question stabbed his heart but Killian tried to answer as casually as possible. “The man is my brother, Liam, the woman is Milah. Neither are available for travelling anymore.” 

 

Emma heard the pain in his voice but she decided not to ask him about it. This was not the time or place to exchange such personal details and Emma wasn’t even sure if she wanted to know. She had tried to think about the end of their journey--about what the end meant, how she would feel after spending three months with him. She didn’t know Killian yet but she had a feeling they would know each other pretty well after their time together. Deep down she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that, she never was good at making friends, always held everyone at arm’s length and she hoped to be able to do the same with him.

 

\- CS -

 

The first week had been a week of getting to know each other better. Killian found out that Emma enjoyed flying but at the same time she was very nervous about hitting turbulence. He also had learned that Emma was stubborn and always wanted to do things on her own - without anyone’s (and especially his) help.

 

Their first destination was the West of the USA, it had been the last ‘test’ for Emma and also the last chance for Killian to change his mind about her.

 

“So, Swan, tomorrow we will hike a bit, Antelope Canyon is our destination but to get there, we have to take a car and later do some hiking. We will have a guide, Ryan, who will show us the Canyon, explain all the important facts and make sure we are safe down there. Afterwards, we will go back by boat.”

 

“Wow, it seems you have everything under control then,” Emma smiled at him and Killian pointed at the map in front of them. 

 

“Aye, everything is planned, but I always want to make sure you are also comfortable with what I have in my mind. This is important. I don’t want to make the decisions on my own. We are a team from now on and whenever you have a bad feeling or an objection, I need to know that ASAP, all right?”

 

“Aye aye, Captain.” Emma mocked him, but Killian ignored it. Slowly he got used to their banter -- she would tease him and he would retort with a mix of arrogance and bravado (his usual way of shielding himself from getting too close to someone). He had to admit, he liked being around her. His fear of accepting a female travel partner started to disappear more and more, Emma was a woman who knew what she wanted, who knew what she was doing, and who didn’t seem to fall in love easily. That would be the last thing he needed. He hoped to find someone to get along with, maybe also call a friend at the end of the journey, but nothing more. He couldn’t cope with leaving someone behind who loved him. 

 

He shook his head to clear his mind and saw that Emma was staring at him with a slightly concerned look. He waited for a moment, but she didn’t ask him if he was alright or did anything else than smile genuinely. 

 

“Well, I also booked a table for two at Joël Robuchon. I hope you brought a dress in the backpack of yours.” He winked at her but when he saw Emma’s shocked expression, his smile faltered. “Everything alright, Swan?”

 

“Did you say Robuchon? Joël Robuchon? The Joël Robuchon?” Killian could clearly see on her face, that she was excited about the news but there was something else he couldn’t put a finger on.

 

“Aye, I think I only know one Joël Robuchon. The restaurant we will go to is in the MGM building, also the hotel we will stay at for the night before we fly to Shanghai.”

 

When Emma didn’t say anything but only opened and closed her mouth several times, Killian was sure she hadn’t taken a look at the travel documents he had given David and also didn’t listen when he told her about the details before they started the journey a few days ago. “Swan, did you even look at the documents I gave your brother?”

 

Emma’s eyes searched his, the answer written all over her face. “I am not the big planner, more the ‘be spontaneous - let’s go’-type.”

 

Now Killian couldn’t hold back laughter anymore, he looked at her and shook his head. “Best you take another look before we leave the States. The next few weeks won’t be as comfortable as this week was and is, better you are prepared.”

 

He got up and walked towards the door. They didn’t share a room here in San Francisco, but in Las Vegas, he only booked one suite. Big enough to avoid one another (if necessary) but still a single room and one bed.

 

Killian was nervous, the next one and a half days were the last days in the States for him. He would never come back here again, it was time to say goodbye to his second homeland. He decided a long time ago that Ireland will be the country to die in. His brother Liam was buried there,  his whole family was , and soon he would join them. 

 

The last flight Emma had to do on her own. He hoped he will be able to show her the beautiful places in his country of birth, but he knew that might be an unrealised wish. 

 

“See you tomorrow at six-thirty, Swan. Good night.” He smiled at her before he shut the door, quietly pleased when he saw that Emma pulled a green folder out of her bag, the one he had given David before the journey had started.

 

\- CS -

 

It wasn’t the first time in Vegas for Killian, but he never was here before in his free time. Normally he was here for business meetings or workshops, never seeing anything other than the inside of hotels and casinos. This time he wanted to see Antelope Canyon, the Grand Canyon, and the area around Vegas before he finally left the States. 

 

Killian was surprised how much easier travelling these days was for him. He didn’t have to work on the plane to be prepared for anything, he was able to relax, close his eyes, enjoy the flight. Every now and then he looked at Emma who was staring out the window with a fascination he hadn’t seen in a while. He asked himself how often she had flown before the trip, but held himself back from asking aloud - it was none of his business anyway.

 

Seeing her that excited and happy made him happy too. His decision in bringing her, in taking a complete stranger on his last journey, was the right one. He only hoped he won’t regret the decision when they were in China or anywhere else in the world. 

 

These days travelling was still easy. They didn’t have to carry their backpacks all the time, there were taxis and concierges at the hotel who helped them. All these amenities would end soon, but now they could enjoy their comfortable life one last day.

 

A few minutes before they had to leave for dinner, Emma stepped out of the bathroom. Killian’s jaw dropped when he saw her standing in the hallway, fixing the long dress he had bought her this afternoon. She looked breathtaking. He knew she was attractive, that was a fact he couldn’t deny, but seeing her standing there now, with her long golden hair, her smooth, creamy skin, her angelic face and sparkling emerald eyes, her toned body, long lean legs, left him at a loss for words.

 

Killian had to shake his head again to focus on the here and now and not to make a fool out of himself by staring at Emma like a this. He stepped closer and took her hand into his before he brought it to his lips and pressed a light kiss on her knuckles. “You look breathtaking, Swan.”

 

Emma blushed and withdrew her hand. She looked for the small clutch and grabbed it before she searched his eyes again. “Thank you, you look-”

 

“I know,” he retorted and offered his arm. On their way to the restaurant he thought that if he had met Emma Swan before his diagnosis, he could have fallen for her.

 

The whole evening they talked at length about their hike to Lower Antelope Canyon and about the next days' plans including the helicopter flight (which made Emma a bit nervous) and the upcoming journey to China. Not once Killian got the feeling Emma felt uncomfortable, not once he felt like Emma wasn’t the right decision. Later that evening they wanted to visit the casino because Emma had never been in a casino before. It was a fun night with a bit of drinking (Emma because Killian wasn’t allowed to drink according to his medication), gambling, winning (mostly Killian except this one time Emma won and threw her arms around his neck to pull him into a big happy hug) and eventually finding sleep three hours before wake-up call.

 

Accordingly, Emma was not as enthusiastic as she had been the prior day. Killian was sure that she fell asleep on his shoulder during the second flight over the Grand Canyon, he didn’t mind at all. This was  _ his _ last journey but he also wanted it to be a great experience for Emma.

 

Their next destination was China. A country Killian had always wanted to visit but never found the right partner to do so. He hated travelling alone, this was the reason he had searched for a companion for this last trip. China was important for Killian. He had two business partner over there who had invited him over and over again, and finally, he was able to grant their wish--unfortunately under different circumstances. 

 

To say Killian was excited about the visit was an understatement. It was a mix of excitement and eagerness. The trip was planned for the next three weeks. On their last day in civilization, for the next two and a half weeks, they mostly slept and dealt with the jet lag. At night there was a dinner planned with Liáng Bo, one of his business partners, and his wife Feng Mian.

 

“Are you sure you want me to come with you?” Emma asked skeptically while she knelt before her backpack.

 

“Aye, love. Bo brings his wife, she is an English teacher at Beijing City International School. I met her once and I know you will get along well. I really don’t want you to skip dinner or stay behind in the hotel.”

 

“But I really don’t want to disturb your dinner or ruin your business relationship by saying something stupid or behaving wrong.” Emma stood up again, meeting his eyes. He could see she felt uncomfortable but he couldn’t stop the laugh escaping his mouth.

 

“Oh love, don’t be afraid of that. I don't really care what will happen after my death. Maybe Bo will end his partnership with Jones Inc. completely, who knows? But this shall only be an evening among friends, he invited me so many times before and finally, I am able to accept his invitation, that’s all.”

 

“Alright,” Emma nodded but Killian saw that she was still not fully convinced.

 

“And we will experience the best food in town--Real Chinese Cuisine. Maybe this will be the last time we will dine that exquisitely for a long time. We will take what we get in the next weeks.”

 

“Oh, Mr. Spoiled is not used to eating average food? Well, for me sometimes a cheeseburger can be the most delicious meal. So, let’s enjoy the overpriced food we will have this evening and fill your spoiled belly with Blowfish or whatever else counts as delicacies.” She grinned at him and he saw and heard the tease.

 

He shook his head and grabbed his suit. “Let’s get dressed or we will be too late. Traffic here in Beijing can be worse than in New York.”

 

The taxi ride was quiet. Killian observed Emma closely. Although he tried to not get attached too much, he started to wonder who the woman was behind the beautiful face. His time on Earth was limited, so why not try to get along as best as possible? The next few weeks were the perfect opportunity to get to know her better and if she didn’t want to share, he would not be too disappointed. After all, she was just a stranger who agreed to go on a journey with him, no kind words or bonding needed.

 

Dinner had been the most awkward meeting he had ever been to. Bo was convinced that Killian had told him that Emma was his fiancé, he complimented him and her all the time on being such a beautiful and great couple. He wanted to correct him, not only once, but to his surprise, he felt Emma’s hand on his thigh. “Oh, our first meeting isn’t a great story. It was my brother David’s fault. He stood Killian up and so I decided to take his place instead. Ever since we are more or less stuck together.” She smiled at him and he smiled back and Bo and Feng Mian both sighed with a dreamy look.

 

He wasn’t sure how far he could go and how much affection she was accepting to fake, so he let her lead. At some point she leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek, excusing herself and Feng Mian. The men decided then to go to the bar and enjoy some drinks. When the ladies came back, Emma stepped closer to him and leaned into him so he wrapped his free arm around her middle. 

 

Killian didn’t know why she did this for him, but he was grateful. When they had to part, Emma and Feng Mian hugged briefly. Killian could see that Emma really was fond of the woman. Bo and he also hugged. “She is a definitely a keeper,” the man whispered and Killian’s eyes automatically landed on Emma.

 

They said goodbye and parted and Killian was sure Emma would let go of his hand any minute. Instead, she interlaced their fingers. “Can we take a walk along the Place? I would love to see the Sky Screen,” Emma asked shyly.

 

Killian raised a brow, they had been to Viva Vision in Las Vegas just a few days ago, but who was he to refuse her wish. He nodded and led her down the street where they could already see the bright Sky Screen. It was very crowded, so Killian pulled Emma into his side. She watched the bright screen with sparkling eyes and pressed herself into him so she would not to get lost. Killian couldn’t stop his mind from wandering to how enjoyable the closeness to her was. He asked a stranger to take a picture of them. He hadn’t planned to visit the second largest Sky Screen in the world, so why not capture the moment?

 

The next two weeks went by in a blur. He enjoyed every moment of it, every rainy day as much as every hot day. The landscape was beautiful, the guide perfect for their kind of adventure, and the weather mostly played into their hands. If only the headaches would leave him be.

 

\- CS -

 

Emma could see it on his face every time he excused himself to take another pill. He knew that she suspected something. She had gotten to know him a little better but she still avoided talking about the elephant in the room. They talked about their pasts - mostly him, not her. They also talked about their jobs and lives back home in Boston. He told her about his dead brother and the woman on the pictures Emma saw back home, Milah. She had been his first real love, someone who shared his passion for travelling but after one of their journeys together her husband showed up. 

 

Emma was shocked when he told her that he nearly lost his hand that evening. Milah had told him about her ex, who was in fact not her ex but her legal husband, and Killian thought he could help her leave him. Most of her stories had been wrong, only the fact that he was violent and protective was right. When Killian tried to grab her and flee with her, he hadn’t seen the knife coming. It was a clean cut but fortunately not too deep through his wrist. He lost a lot of blood, but his hand was still attached to his body.

 

While he fought for consciousness, Milah and her husband called the ambulance and vanished. Many months later he received a letter from her telling him she was sorry and that he should try to forget her and move on. A few days later, she and her husband were found dead in Texas, she had first shot him and later herself. 

 

Emma could see it still hurt him to talk about her, so she offered him a story of her own. Why she opened up exactly, she wasn’t sure, but it was easy to talk to him. Maybe because she knew he would die soon, maybe because he was a good listener.

 

They travelled with a tour guide, Fa Mulan. When the woman had told them her name, Emma and Killian had exchanged an amused look - unfortunately, Mulan also saw it, but she wasn’t offended. She was proud to have the same name as the girl from the legend, the Disney princess, the one woman that young Chinese girls identified themselves with. It had been fun having her around to tell them all the interesting facts about the Great Wall (Emma never walked that long and far on one single day) and the Zhangye Danxia Landform and its beautiful colours.

 

It was nice having her around, they could rely on her and so Emma could focus on Killian and his headaches. She was worried about it and so she finally asked him.

 

“I know it’s none of my business, but maybe you shouldn’t eat those like candy,” Emma showed up behind Killian and pointed at the package in his hand. She could see that more than half of the box was empty already and she knew it had been full a week before.

 

“You are right, Swan, it’s none of your business.” His harsh answer nearly knocked her to the ground. It wasn’t like him to be that mad, on the other hand, she still didn’t know all of his quirks and he was right, it was none of her business after all, or was it?

 

“And what will I do when you break down in the middle of nowhere?” Emma turned around again, not wanting to end the conversation like that. She didn’t want to start a fight, but she had a right to know, hadn’t she?

 

“Mulan will know what to do. And you have an emergency package with all the numbers to call if anything happens to me.”

 

“That’s not- I- that’s not what I meant and you know that,” Emma got angry, she narrowed her eyes but Killian only shook his head slightly.

 

“You knew what you signed for.” His casual tone made her even angrier. 

 

“Yeah, but I haven’t signed for watching you kill yourself with pain meds. You need to see a doctor.”

 

“No.”

 

“No?”

 

“No. End of discussion.” With that said he went away, leaving her behind without turning around again.

 

Emma huffed in annoyance and walked to Mulan but she wasn’t much a help. “I think he knows what he is doing. If he really thought he can’t go on, he would tell you.” Emma only shrugged, looked at Killian who was standing over his backpack and asked herself why she was that mad at him.

 

The next few days Emma concentrated on the journey and on the landscape surrounding them. 

She was very excited when they finally arrived at the Tianzi Mountains. She loved the movie  _ Avatar _ and these rock formations looked so much like the ones in the movie. Emma could see how they had influenced James Cameron. 

 

Killian still avoided her, so she tried to spend as much time as possible with Mulan. The woman knew so many interesting facts and stories about the mountains and their legends that Emma easily got distracted. At one point, Mulan pointed at a specific waterfall high above them. They stood so perfectly that it looked as if the waterfall started in heaven. Emma was impressed, her eyes fixated the natural wonder and so she didn’t see the stone on their way. It had rained a few hours ago and the ground was still wet.

 

Before she could do anything, Emma slipped and fell. Her gasp made Killian and Mulan look back, but Emma was already getting up again. Unfortunately, the ground was too slippery up and she couldn’t find a foothold. 

 

With a surprised scream, she slipped down the muddy path. She could hear Mulan’s and Killian’s shouts, but she couldn’t find anything to hold on to. Panic rose inside her when she saw the edge of the path coming closer. She tried to find anything to stop her fall, but it was too late already. She didn’t even have time to scream when she didn’t feel any ground underneath her anymore. Her backpack was pulling her down and Emma thought that this was it.

 

She closed her eyes, praying that it wouldn’t hurt too much when she finally hit the ground. All the air was pressed out of her lungs and she was sure she blacked out for a moment. When she heard a familiar voice next to her, she opened her eyes again. Mulan was kneeling next to her, looking at her with a concerned expression on her face. 

 

She slowly sat up. Her head throbbed and her lungs still burned but otherwise, she felt okay. She looked up again and saw that she didn’t fall more than nine feet. The drop was long enough that she could have hurt herself badly, but thanks to her backpack she landed gently (as gently as someone falling down a bluff could).

 

“Are you alright, Emma? Your fall looked bad.” Mulan’s voice was like scraping chalk on a blackboard. Emma looked up and had to blink several times to sharpen the image.

 

“Yeah, as you said, it looked worse than it was. I think I was just a bit surprised, that’s all. Let’s get back to Killian and move on, shall we? We still have a bit of a way ahead.”

 

“Are you sure you are okay? We can suspend our excursion. It’s no problem.” Emma could hear that Mulan was concerned and that she only wanted to help, but she didn’t want to be the one who caused any problems. She hoped she could get up and walk on if only the throbbing pain in her left arm and her head would stop.

 

\- CS -

 

Killian watched Mulan help Emma to her feet. He saw the pained expression on Emma’s face but he also saw that she kept her emotions at bay from the moment she saw him watching her.  _ Stubborn lass.  _

 

She needed a doctor. He didn’t want her to be in pain. He didn’t want her to suffer any repercussions from her fall. He needed to talk to her. Emma and Mulan climbed back up to the path he was standing on. Emma limped a bit but she made a brave face and climbed on her own. When Killian offered her his hand, she refused with raised brows. He stepped back and gave her some space.

 

He knew he was in no position to ask her to seek out a doctor, but he wished she would say she wanted to see one on her own. Of course, she didn’t. Instead, she followed Mulan, a bit slower than usual, down towards the Li River.

Killian could see the relief when Emma was able to get rid of her backpack. Mulan went to one of the cottages next to the river and an old woman stepped outside.

He had been impressed by the hospitality of this woman. She not only showed Emma and Mulan a place to freshen up, but also invited them over for dinner.

 

Emma looked a bit better now. She had a small cut on her forehead and she was still holding her arm in an awkward way, which made Killian ask her again if she was alright.

 

“M’fine,” was all Emma said before she turned her attention back to the old lady. While Killian watched Emma, Mulan started to translate the myth of the Li River the friendly old woman told them during a traditional dinner in her small house. 

 

It was an interesting story but Killian’s thoughts were only with Emma. How could she be so stubborn not to go to a doctor? Everyone could see she was in pain and yet she was the one who suggested accepting the invitation from the old lady to stay a night in the cottage next door. 

 

Their next stop was the Sheraton Huzhou Hot Spring Resort, a luxury hotel, which was shaped like a ring, directly located at Taihu Lake. The idea of a hot shower and a warm clean bed was more tempting than staying another night in the middle of nowhere.

 

Killian was impressed by the mystique around the lake. Normally he would enjoy such an adventure but not when one of his group members was hurt. He tried to convince Emma to go to the hotel, but once again she refused. He could only accept her decision and make the best of it. He wasn’t sure Emma had any painkillers with her, so he gave Mulan some of his, to offer Emma some if needed. He was sure she would refuse any kind of help from him.

 

The night was restless for Killian. He wasn’t tired, the latest events were too disturbing for him to even think about sleep. He didn’t understand why Emma’s injury (he was firmly convinced she was injured and stubborn to admit it) made him feel so helpless and made him so mad. She was an adult, she knew that something like that could have happened anytime but she should also know that she needed to see a doctor to make sure she wasn’t injured badly.

 

Anger flared inside him. He didn’t want her to be hurt. After all this time he was starting to get to know her better. He liked her, she was a good person--interested and also interesting. It was easy to talk to her. He liked when she laughed at one of his stupid jokes or when she accepted his help when there was an obstacle. Although he swore to himself not to let feelings get involved, he had to admit that he had started to develop feelings for Emma. She had become a friend but now Killian wasn’t sure if she might become more for him. He was screwed.

 

The next morning he tried one last time to persuade her to go to a doctor.

 

“Emma, you are in pain. You need to see a doctor.” His voice was small and broken but Emma only shook her head.

 

“No.”

 

“No?” 

 

“Yes, you heard correctly, I only have some bruises. A doctor cannot help me. End of discussion.”

 

This was the last time he had spoken to her. Ever since she avoided him completely, even more than he avoided her after her ‘please-go-to-the-doctor’ speech. She walked next to Mulan for the remainder of their trip, when they finally reached the bus, she sat as far away as possible. Every time he met her gaze, she rolled her eyes and started another conversation with Mulan. Maybe he had gone too far. 

 

\- CS -

 

The hotel looked welcoming, no it looked far more than that. The ride there had been torture. Emma’s back, her head, and arm still hurt and Killian’s worried looks didn’t make it easier. She was still mad at him for snapping at her but after her fall she finally understood why he didn’t want to see a doctor. Although she was still convinced that he should go to one. Emma needed a shower, she needed a timeout and she needed normal food. The Chinese cuisine was great, dinner last night with the old lady had been wonderful, but Emma longed for a simple cheeseburger or a steak or anything non-Chinese.

 

It was their last stop before going to Shanghai. Killian had another meeting with one of his business partners (this time he could go alone, Emma was in no mood to pretend to be his fiancé or anything else) and then they would leave the country. 

 

The moment Emma stepped out of the hot shower, someone knocked on her door. Rolling her eyes, she quickly wrapped a towel around her nude form and answered the door.

 

“Killian.” Surprised she leaned against the doorframe. He looked good in the tight black jeans and the dark blue Henley. His beard was trimmed and Emma suddenly noticed that his hair could also use a cut. He avoided meeting her eyes but spoke eventually.

 

“I wanted- can I- can we talk, please?”

 

Emma nodded and stepped aside to let him in. He went straight to the couch and plopped down. “Maybe you want to get dressed first?”

 

Emma looked down at her naked feet and agreed. Clothes might be a good idea. While dressing she tried to figure out what he wanted. Did he want to end their trip? Has she crossed a line? Was he sending her home with a ‘thank you, but no thank you’? 

 

She returned a few moments later wearing yoga pants and a big comfortable hoodie and sat down on the big couch across from him. When she tried to adjust herself, she briefly forgot not to use her left arm, and groaned in pain.

 

“We need to talk about this, Emma.”

 

“I told you I am fine,” Emma snapped and narrowed her eyes.

 

“No, you are not. You need to see a doctor.” Killian pushed himself up and ran his hand through his hair, “please.”

 

“I told you I don’t need a doctor, just as you told me that you don’t need one.”

 

“Alright, Swan, but that’s different. You are hurt. You are in pain.”

 

“So are you, Jones.” Emma was steaming. How could he come here, into her room, and start another fight?

 

“Aye. And that’s why I made an appointment at Shanghai Renai Hospital for me and you tomorrow.”

 

“You what? You had no right to-” Emma jumped up but the quick movement made her dizzy and she sunk back on the couch, holding her head and not speaking for several moments.

 

“I know, Emma, but this is important. You- you are important and I don’t want you to suffer.” Killian was now sitting next to her, brushing her hair off her shoulder and gently placing a hand there. He stroked her shoulder with this thumb while he waited for her to look up. “I didn’t want that to happen, but I grew fond of you, Swan.” 

 

These words made Emma look up. “And you will get checked too?” Maybe her plan had worked. She had hoped he would go to the doctor when she refused to seek one out. 

 

“Aye.” Killian took her hand and, by chance, Emma’s heart skipped a beat when she met his eyes.

 

“Are you afraid?”

 

“Bloody hell, you have no idea, woman.” Killian’s words were so genuine that Emma, instinctively and without thinking, leaned forward and pressed a kiss on his lips.

 

She smiled at him and held his gaze. “Don’t be. Everything will be fine.” 

 

They stayed like that for a few more moments; he stared at her and she looked back with a smile on her face. After a while, Killian decided to order in and watch something on Netflix. Emma didn’t object and ordered a double cheeseburger with extra onion rings and Killian a steak medium done with a huge pile of fries (Emma ate nearly half of them after finishing her meal in record time).

 

Eventually, they fell asleep on the couch. When Emma woke in the middle of the night, she found herself in Killian’s arms. His chest rose and fell softly and the steady beat of his heart soothed her back to sleep easily. Although her arm hurt in that position, she felt happy and safe. She didn’t know why or how, but Killian made her feel as if nothing else in life mattered than this moment. 

 

She had thought about death a lot the last days, especially since their fight. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was already used to him. It felt as if they were friends, as if they knew each other for years instead of a few weeks. She didn’t want to lose him. The thought frightened her. Without noticing she had gotten attached to him. Their friendly banter, their nights huddled up together to defy the cold, their talks and laughs at the fireplace were moments which bound them together. 

 

What if the doctors said that Killian had less time than expected? How would she cope with that? She knew she would try to put on a brave face for him, to support him and be there for him, but she also knew she would cry the first moment she was alone again. Killian had become a friend (or more) and she wished she could help him - no matter how.

 

\- CS -

 

When they woke up, Emma didn’t want to leave her cosy place beside Killian. He was so warm and comfortable, she nearly forgot that they had to leave to catch the plane to Shanghai. Killian and Emma traveled in silence. Neither of them knew what to say, both were nervous and tried to calm their nerves. 

 

The moment she stood she was painfully reminded that she was injured. Her left arm hurt even more than it had the day before. Lifting anything was impossible, she had to carry her backpack on her other shoulder. Killian seemed to notice and offered her to carry her stuff, but Emma refused. She didn’t want to burden him.

 

The flight was short but very turbulent. Emma held onto Killian’s hand for dear life. This was the moment Killian softened again. His nerves were gone in an instant--instead, he focused on Emma and forgot about his MRI appointment.

 

In the taxi on their way to the clinic, Emma leaned her head on Killian’s shoulder and he automatically placed a kiss on the crown of her head. 

 

“Do we have our appointments at the same time or can you stay with me?” Emma’s question was quiet and almost shy, but Killian did hear it. He looked down at her and waited for her to look at him before he answered.

 

“I can stay with you if you want, love.” Emma only squeezed his hand and focused on the traffic outside the window again.

 

Killian wondered if she might stay with him as well. By chance, his thoughts drifted to the possible outcomes for the appointment. He didn’t feel too bad, he hoped that the headaches were only a side effect of the medication he had to take. He refused to think about the possibility of dying earlier than expected. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. He wanted to see and do so much more. The safari in Africa was already booked and Ireland was calling too. He needed to visit Liam’s grave one last time, wanted to show Emma London and Dublin, and drink at least one Guinness together in the pub he visited so often with his brother when he was younger. No, he wasn’t ready to leave the world now. 

 

He hadn’t noticed that he closed his eyes, but when he opened them again, he saw Emma’s concerned look. Without thinking he pulled her into a hug and held her close. “I don’t want to die.” 

 

He hated himself for saying this - hated burdening her with the knowledge that he didn’t want to leave Earth and all this behind. He had accepted his fate, but knowing it could all end earlier than expected made him feel helpless.

 

“I want to see and do so many things. They said three more months, now-” he swallowed hard, “What if they say it’s time to say goodbye already? What if they give me only a few more days?” He started to shake, holding back tears was not an option. 

 

“Sh-sh,” Emma tightened her grip on him. She hated to see him so vulnerable and lost. He was always the strong and organized man and now he was only a lost boy sitting next to her. The taxi driver shot them an irritated look but Emma ignored him. Now she needed and wanted to focus on Killian. “They won’t say that your time is over. Maybe it’s only a side effect of the pills you have to take every day, maybe it is a drug interaction.”

 

Killian buried his head in the crook of her neck, staining her shirt with his hot tears and Emma’s heart broke. She stroked his hair, closed her eyes, and pressed her cheek against his head. They stayed like that for a while before Killian broke away. He wiped his eyes and cleared his throat before he looked at her with red-rimmed eyes. “I’m afraid.”

 

“And I am here for you. I’ll be by your side as long as you want me to be there and I will wait for you outside the door whenever I am not allowed to be with you. You are not alone and I know they won’t tell you that you are going to die sooner.”

 

“Promise?” The pain in his voice nearly urged her tell the driver to go somewhere else, to take a turn and bring them back to the hotel, airport, or anywhere else. But she knew Killian had to be examined. She knew it was the right thing to do, so she did the only thing she knew would ease his pain. At least for a moment. She lied.

 

“Promise.” 

 

They stared at each other for a while. They both knew that single word was a lie but they also knew what it meant for him and for her. When they finally stopped in front of the hospital, Killian paid the driver who stopped midway when returning the change. “Good luck,” he said in broken English and looked from him to Emma and back. 

 

Emma nodded slightly and grabbed Killian’s hand to pull him out of the taxi.

 

“Thanks, mate.” Killian followed Emma, never letting go of her hand. They went to the information desk and were led to a sterile looking wing of the hospital. They had to wait for a few moments before Emma was called into a room. Killian wanted to follow but a young Chinese woman shook her head. “Women only,” she said and Killian nodded. 

 

“I’ll wait right here, Swan. Take your time.” He sat down and waited. He laid the third magazine back on the table when the door opened and Emma stepped out with a cast on her arm and band-aid on her forehead. 

 

Killian jumped up and went to her, looking at her arm with raised brows. 

 

“Bruised shoulder, broke my ulna and I might have to get surgery.” Emma smiled and stopped in front of him. “Oh, and the doctor railed against me and asked why I didn’t come in earlier. I will have a nasty scar on my forehead and the surgery might not have been necessary if I came right away.” She shrugged but regretted it the next moment because of the pain shooting through her body. 

 

Killian didn’t know what to say and before he had a chance he was called by a nurse. He grabbed Emma’s hand and pulled her with him, suddenly he felt nervous again. Emma sensed his distress and squeezed his hand lightly. 

  
  


They were led down a long corridor and at one point Emma had to wait outside. Before Killian was able to go inside she pulled him into a hug. “Tell them you want me by your side when they tell you the test results. Everything will be fine. Promise.” She kissed his cheek and broke the hug only to be pulled into another one a moment later. 

 

“Thank you, love. Thank you so much for everything.” He kissed her forehead and broke the hug to follow the nurse inside an examination room.

 

It took over an hour and a half until the door opened again and Killian stepped outside. “They told me to go for lunch, the test results will be ready in about an hour.” He stepped closer and offered his hand. “So tell me, love, where do you want to dine?”

 

Emma got up and started to think. “You can decide, I am up for everything.”

 

“Everything?” He chuckled, knowing full well that Emma was no friend of seafood and too many vegetables. “How about the vegan restaurant I told you about? It must be around the corner somewhere.”

 

Emma frowned but when she saw his teasing expression, she smacked his arm. “Nice try, buddy, how about we stroll down the street and when we find a restaurant for our liking we stop?”

 

“Brilliant. Let’s get moving.” Killian took Emma’s hand and led the way. They found a small café where they decided to stop. Emma ordered a simple grilled cheese sandwich and Killian ordered a Mediterranean Salad which made Emma cringe. They fell into a light conversation and enjoyed their meal together.

 

“So, you didn’t pack your backpack yourself?” Killian gave Emma her to-go-cup. She shook her head and took the drink. 

 

“No, my soon-to-be-sister-in-law packed it. It’s David backpack and she made a list for him, which she adjusted a bit for me. I am not that organized.”

 

“I can tell,” Killian laughed and sipped at his coffee, however, it was not coffee, it was hot chocolate with whipped cream and a dash of cinnamon. He made a face and offered Emma his cup. “I think this is yours, love. How can you drink something that sweet?”

 

Emma took the drink and sipped at it, enjoying the rich taste of chocolate on her tongue. “Hmmm, delicious. It’s just the right amount of chocolate and cinnamon. You don’t like it?”

 

Killian shook his head and held the door for her. They walked back to the hospital but the nearer they got the quieter they became. Eventually, they stood in front of the doctor’s door, hand-in-hand, smiling but beyond nervous.

 

“Mr. Jones, come in,” the doctor answered the door after Killian had knocked. He turned towards Emma who tried to follow Killian. “And may I ask who you are?”

 

“His fiancé.” “My fiancé.” They answered as if on cue and Emma blushed involuntarily. 

 

“Oh, congratulations. Well, then come on in.” The doctor stepped aside and took his place behind his desk. He turned around and switched on the light so Killian and Emma were able to see the MRI image better.

 

Killian squeezed Emma’s hand. He tried to figure out what he saw in the image, but he was too afraid to take a closer look.

 

“Well, Mr. Jones, Ms.- I am sorry, I think I missed your name.” Doctor Bowen started and looked at Emma. 

 

“Swan, Emma Swan. Nice to meet you.”

 

The doctor went on. “As I was saying, Mr. Jones, the tumour has grown.” The doctor turned around and Killian’s heart sunk. He had hoped he would hear an ‘everything’s fine, go and continue the journey’. Instead, it was the worst message he could get.

 

He didn’t feel Emma squeeze his hand, he only heard the words again and again in his head. ‘The tumour has grown.’ He really tried to concentrate but he wasn’t able to make out any other words the doctor said. He had been through a similar situation before, knew what the doctor was saying already. The only thing Killian wanted was to go. Leave this hospital and run away as fast and as far as possible, but Emma still held his hand and soothed him by running her thumb over his knuckles. 

 

He looked at her, she was listening intently, her features soft in concentration. She was beautiful. He wished he’d met her earlier, he wished he wouldn’t burden her with this new situation. It was unfair and he hated to be the reason she was hurt and would be even more hurt in a few weeks? days? How long did he still have? He had to know.

 

Not waiting until the doctor ended his neverending story, he interrupted him with a strong voice which surprised him himself. “How much longer?”

 

“I’m not following,” the doctor looked at him with knitted brows, then looked at Emma and back at Killian.

 

“How much longer until my time on Earth ends?” Killian gulped, saying it out loud made it suddenly so much more real than before.

 

“Killian,” Emma’s voice made him look at her. She let go of his hand and lifted it to cradle his cheek. “Killian, did you even listen?”

 

“Aye, Swan,” he pulled back, making Emma’s eyes go wide, “aye and I want to know how much longer I have on Earth. I need to change plans and I need to-”

 

“Killian, listen to me,” Emma interrupted him, now holding his face in both of her hands. He could see that she was serious but she also seemed to be a bit uncomfortable in this position. “Listen, Killian. You are not going to die.”

 

Killian smiled at her, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. “Oh, Emma, I know-”

 

“No! You have to listen. The tumour has grown but that was a good thing.” Emma looked him dead in the eye, he didn’t understand what was going on, but she seemed serious about it.

 

“It was?” Confusion edged his voice and his eyes fell on the doctor behind the desk.

 

“Yes, Mr. Jones, it was and is. What I tried to explain to your lovely fiancé was, that the tumour has grown that fast that it cut itself off of its blood supply.” The doctor leaned back and waited for a reaction but Killian only looked at him dumbfounded, so he went on. “Maybe I didn’t express myself well enough but, because of this result, I am sure you will survive.”

 

“I will?” Killian looked from doctor Brown to Emma and back, “I will survive? I will live?” He was utterly confused, the last ten minute he went through every emotion, now he heard what he had wanted to hear all along but he still couldn’t believe it.

 

“You will live, Killian, you won’t die,” Emma’s voice stopped him from overthinking everything that happened since he entered this room with her again. 

 

Killian searched her eyes and there he could see it. She didn’t try to cheer him up or make false promises. This time it was the truth, he would survive, he wasn’t a dying man anymore.

 

“Emma-,” his eyes went wide when her lips met his, it was not a quick ‘thank you’ or a kiss to cover their lie of being engaged. It was a happy kiss, a kiss telling him she was relieved he would survive, a kiss filled with so many emotions that his head began to swim again. When she broke the kiss, she pressed her forehead against his whispering the words over and over again. “You will live.” She started showering his face with kisses until she found his lips again. 

 

This time Killian was more prepared than moments before. He still couldn’t believe what was happening but he was happy--happy that he wouldn’t die and also happy about Emma’s affection. 

 

Suddenly, their intimacy was broken by the doctor clearing his throat. 

 

“Of course you need radiation treatment as soon as possible. I already talked to your doctor back in Boston and he is ready to treat you whenever you come home.” With that said the doctor stood and walked around the desk. “Take your time. I have other patients who need me.” He shook their hands and left the room after telling them that his assistant will give Killian any further information.

 

When the door fell shut, a big smile appeared on Killian’s face. “Emma, Emma did you hear what he said? I will live. I won’t die.” He jumped up and offered Emma his hand which she happily accepted. She smiled at him too when he suddenly pulled her into his arms and spun her around. “I will live. I will live.”

 

“Careful!” Emma yelped, clearly afraid of being hurt again, although she still wore a big smile herself.

 

He placed her back down and took her face into his hands before he leaned forward and kissed her. “Thank you,” he whispered against her lips but Emma only closed the gap between them instead of answering.

 

\- CS -

 

They booked the first available flight back to Boston and decided to celebrate the evening in Shanghai. Killian decided to surprise Emma and go to the Disney Resort where they met up with his business partner and his family. It was a very nice evening strolling around the park, enjoying some rides and dinner in one of the restaurants. The whole evening, Killian couldn’t take his eyes off Emma. He decided then and there that he would give them a chance. He didn’t want to stop himself any longer from being happy. 

 

On the plane back home, Emma looked at Killian who was staring out the window. “Killian?” He turned his head and smiled at her. Emma was nervous but she needed to ask him now. “How did you know about Disney Resort?” It wasn’t the question she wanted to ask but it was a start.

 

“What do you mean, darling?” He took a strand of her hair between his thumb and finger and toyed with it.

 

“I always wanted to go to a Disney Theme Park, but I never had the chance. Why did you decide to celebrate there?”

 

A smile appeared on his face and suddenly his face was so much closer to her than moments before. “Let’s say a charming brother once told me about his little sister and her obsession with a black mouse.” 

 

“Oh yeah, what else did David tell you about me?” Emma’s eyes wandered between his eyes and lips when she spoke.

 

“He said you are stubborn,” Killian started and kissed her cheek before he continued, “and temperamental,” he kissed another spot of her cheek, this time closer to her mouth. “And he said that you are very attractive,” kiss, “and determined,” kiss, “and that you have a big heart.” The last kiss landed on her lips and Emma responded immediately. She no longer wanted to hold herself back. If she was honest she was attracted to this dark and handsome man from the moment he opened the door over a month ago and she had only grown more and more attached to him the more she knew about him.

 

Quickly, they got lost in a passionate kiss. When they broke the kiss, he pulled her to him and rested his forehead against hers. “I would love to get to know you better, Emma, take you out on a proper date when we are back home.”

 

“I would love to do that,” Emma said and sealed her answer with another kiss.

 

When Mary Margaret and David picked them up from the airport, Emma didn’t miss the smiles on their faces and hidden looks between them. Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure anymore that this whole ‘I cannot go with Killian, you have to take my place’ excuse wasn’t a planned setup. But when her eyes fell on the handsome man next to her, who held her hand and placed a kiss on her temple when he felt her eyes on him, she couldn’t say she was not happy about the outcome.   
  



End file.
